Light In The Dark
by SpyKid18
Summary: Following Xander and Anya's wedding, Buffy realizes she's been unfair with Spike.  Set in "Hell's Bells".  SPUFFY


**A/N: I think I've been hit by the fluff-train. It's all I want to write lately! Hope you guys enjoy this :D**

Light In The Dark

The wedding was a mess, and that was even before Xander had disappeared and the two families decided to start a brawl. Buffy was wrapped in a neon-hued dress and Spike was over in some dark corner with goth-barbie. She tried not to notice them as she flitted around with her wedding-duties. She had been the one to end things. She had no right to be jealous or bothered. If he wanted to neck with some chick, well, then more power to him. Still, she couldn't _not_ notice him.

Even before they started bringing down houses, she had been acutely aware of his presence. Walk into a crowded room and she could sense him immediately. She had a nose for demons, sort of came with the Slayer territory, but he was different. Even in a room filled to the brim with otherworldly creatures, it took her all of three seconds to locate him in the back of the hall.

He wasn't there anymore. He left after they talked-after she admitted that, yes, it _did_ hurt-and she couldn't help but note the irony. She had hurt and used him for months, and he left to spare her feelings. It wasn't fair, that someone without a soul could ultimately be kinder than her.

The wedding hall had emptied hours before and the remaining Scoobies did their best to clean up whatever of the mess they could, all plainly avoiding the root of the upheaval. They didn't know where Xander had gone. Anya was similarly lost. They would deal with that later. Right now, they would fix up the hall. Buffy worked at one edge of the room with Tara, noting the not-so-furtive glances the blonde stole of Willow.

"You and Willow seemed pretty chummy before," Buffy noted, turning over a chair that had toppled over at some point during the brawl. Tara blushed and said, "We're getting along."

"She cares about you, you know. She made a mistake, I won't argue that, but she really does care about you."

"I care about her, too. I just…I need time."

"Of course," Buffy said quickly. "But, think about it. You guys were happy."

Tara smiled wistfully. "Yeah, we were." There was a beat of silence and then she asked, "So, I saw Spike brought someone tonight. I'm guessing you…"

"Yeah," Buffy answered quickly, grabbing a piece of trash and balling it tight in her fist. "I ended things."

"That's good though, right?"

"Yes," Buffy said decisively. She launched directly into the reasoning she had employed when she showed up at his crypt that night and pushed away the one person who didn't make her feel like a walking corpse. "I was using him. It wasn't right."

"He ran off pretty quickly, though. I didn't see him here at all during the fight."

Buffy avoided Tara's gaze as she said, "Yeah, he left. We talked and then…he left."

Tara was silent for a moment and then she softly said, "I know this probably isn't any of my business. We're not very close-"

"Tara-"

"No, I know we're not," Tara continued, her voice holding no accusation. "That's why you told me about you two. But I saw your face when I brought him and that girl up. You didn't look exactly thrilled."

"It hurt," she admitted. "I told him that. It's why he left. You know, it's kind of ridiculous. I hurt him. I use him. And he still tries to spare my feelings."

"It's because he cares about you," Tara said, echoing what Buffy had said earlier about Willow. "I know we aren't all the biggest fans of him. He has his faults."

Buffy snorted. "That's one way of putting it."

"But you didn't see him when you died, Buffy. He was lost. I've never seen anything like it. And then he threw himself into helping Dawn. He was the only person who could make her smile that entire summer, Buffy. He cares. And I think you do, too."

"But…it's Spike," Buffy said, even saying it aloud felt wrong. "How can I care about someone like that?"

"He's not all bad. No one is."

"He's an evil demon. He's an evil _soulless _demon."

"Buffy, think about last year. Think about everything he did for you and Dawn. He may be soulless, but he isn't evil. Not anymore, at least."

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore. I ended things."

"And you don't think he would take you back in a heartbeat if you asked?"

Buffy sheepishly said, "He doesn't have a heartbeat."

"If you are even considering it Buffy, go to him. Do it for yourself. You deserve to be happy."

"But I wasn't," Buffy argued. "I was miserable with him. What we were doing-what _I _was doing-it was awful."

"It's different now, though, isn't it?" Tara pushed back. "How you feel? He hurt you, Buffy. He brought that girl and it hurt. He couldn't have done that before, could he?"

Buffy thought about it, all the weeks they had been together. She thought of the fevered moments, hands and teeth everywhere, and the detached feelings that accompanied them. Then, she thought of the moment she saw him with the other girl. It had hurt. It hurt like hell, something she would have never thought possible. This was Spike. It was her mortal enemy. Her perfect match in combat and cunning. Only he could hate her as much as she hated him. Only he could love her-

"I have to go," Buffy murmured, eyes sweeping up to meet Tara's. "I-"

"Go," she said softly. "I'll finish up over here."

"Thank you. I…just thank you."

Tara smiled softly, offering her a parting wave as Buffy tore from the banquet hall. His crypt was nearby and she ran as fast as her legs would take her, not caring how ridiculous the flash of neon would appear to any passerby. She stopped in front of his crypt, leaning forward and bracing her hands on her thighs as she breathed heavily.

"Damn dress," she said, as her ribs strained against the stiff material. She brought her hand to the doorknob, but then stopped. She recalled their previous conversation, how he had said him and the girl wouldn't do anything. He had never said he wouldn't take her back, though. What if she was in there? Sure, he said he wouldn't sleep with the girl, but that didn't mean they would abstain from all the other things. What if she was walking in on something? She settled on knocking; if they were in any state of undress that should give them enough chance to gather themselves. This was Spike, though. She wouldn't put it past him to leave the girl bare breasted in full sight.

She had already knocked, though, so turning back wasn't an option. There was no answer and she knocked louder, giving the door a quick kick for good measure. She heard commotion in the crypt and stepped back slightly when the door swung open. Spike was midsentence, spewing off a string of cusswords, when his eyes landed on her. His mouth promptly shut and both stared at each other in silence.

"Spike," she said slowly. "Um, are you alone?"

There was a beat of silence, but then he recovered and said, "Yeah, I'm alone."

"Can I come in?"

He stepped back and she moved past him into the crypt. She looked around for any sign that the girl had been there and was relieved to find none. When she turned back toward him he had his hands shoved deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched in a way that she knew was supposed to come off as effortless but was anything but. "The wedding didn't happen," she said.

"It didn't?"

"No, Xander backed out."

"Bloody idiot," Spike said, shaking his head. "That bird may be a little off sometimes, but she was a damn good catch for him."

"Yeah, she was pretty upset. Him too."

"I'm surprised you're not with him," Spike said carefully. "Could use his mates now, no?"

"I had something I needed to take care of."

"You don't have a stake hidden somewhere in that dress, do you?"

She ignored his attempt at levity and said, "I was thinking a lot about us. What we were doing. And it was wrong. You loved me. I see that now, and I was awful to you. I was using you."

"Buffy-"

"But I can be better. After everything last year, and how you were with Dawn when I died." He still winced at the mention. "You've become a different man. You are a different man, and I can be different, too. I want be different. I want us to be different."

"Hold on-are you saying you want to try again?"

Her eyes widened slightly. "Oh, I skipped that part, didn't I? See, I ran over here pretty quickly after Tara helped me sort through some things and I didn't have time to plan all of this. Usually I plan a bit for big important speeches like this, but-"

Suddenly he was directly in front of her, hands grasping hers as he studied her face. He didn't say anything and she recognized the hesitation, understood it perfectly. Without another thought she reached up and tugged his face toward hers for a kiss. She rested her forehead lightly against his and said, "I used to think Anya and Xander were what real love was like. They were my light at the end of the tunnel. Turns out I was wrong. It's you, Spike."

"I'm not light, pet."

She traced the curve of his cheek with her fingertip and smiled softly. "I hate to ruin your _big bad_ status, but you kind of are. You were the one who saw me when I came back. You led me out of that dark place."

"I dragged you down even further."

"No," she said firmly. "I was the one who did that. All you offered me was love and I twisted that. Not anymore, though." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. "Not anymore."

He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. "Can I ask what prompted this change in you, love?"

"I just finally came to my senses. Took me long enough."

"Worth the wait," he said, pressing her against him. "I'm sorry about tonight. About the other girl. She was nothing. Rubbish."

"It doesn't matter," she told him, becoming lost in the softness of his eyes. She pressed her cheek to his and murmured again, "Doesn't matter."

"I love you, Buffy."

She turned her face up toward his and held his gaze as she returned, for the first time, "I love you, too."

**A/N: I'd love some feedback :D **


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